The first question: REPRESSION HAS BECOME AN
AUTOMATIC REACTION IN OUR BODIES AND MINDS WHICH WE DO NOT EVEN RECOGNIZE OR WANT TO
CHANGE ANY MORE. HOW CAN WE LEARN TO TELL BETWEEN A FALSE IMAGE AND A REAL ONE IN
OURSELVES?
Many things have to
be understood. One: all your faces are false; you do not have any real face. That is why
the question arises over which is false and which is real. If you have the real, you know.
Then the question never arises. All the faces are unreal, false, so you do not have any
comparisons to make. You do not know the real -- that is the difficulty. You have not seen
the real, and the real is not seen naturally; much effort is needed to find it.
In Zen they say
that the real is the original face -- the face you had before your birth and the face you
will have after your death. That means that all the faces in life, so-called life, are
false. How to find out what is the real face? You will have to go back to before your
birth. That is the only way to find the real face, because the moment you are born you
have started being false. You have started being false because it pays to be false.
The child is born,
and he has started to be a politician. The moment he is related to the world, to the
parents, to the family, he is in politics. Now he has to take care about his faces. He
will smile as a bribery. He will try to find out in what ways he should behave so that he
is accepted more, loved more, appreciated more. And sooner or later the child will find
out what is condemmed by the parents, by the family, and he will start repressing it. Then
the false has entered.
So all the faces
you have are false. Do not try to find out the real one among your present faces. They are
all false, similarly false. They are useful -- that is why they have been adopted --
utilitarian, but not true. And the deepest deception is that whenever you become aware
that your faces are false, you will create another face which you will think is the real.
For example, a
person who lives an ordinary life, in an ordinary world, with a business, a family, comes
to realize the whole of his falseness, the whole inauthenticity of his life, so he
renounces it. He becomes a sannyasin and leaves the world, and he may be thinking that now
the face is real. It is again a false face. It has been adopted as a reaction to other
faces, and with a reaction you can never get to the real. By reacting to a false face you
will create another false face. So what is to be done?
The real is not
something which has to be achieved. The false is your achievement. The real is not
something to be achieved, it is not something to be cultivated. It is something to be
discovered! It is already there. You need not try to attain it, because any effort will
only lead to some other false face. For a false face effort is needed; it has to be
cultivated. For the real face you have not to do anything, it is already there. If you
simply leave your clinging to the false faces, the false will drop and that which is real
will remain. When you have nothing to drop, and only that which cannot be dropped is
there, you will come to realize what is real.
Meditation is the
way to drop the false faces. That is why there is so much insistence on being thoughtless
-- because without thought you cannot create a false face. In a thoughtless state of
awareness, you will be real -- because it is basically thought which creates false faces
and masks. When there is no thought there can be no face. You will be faceless, or with
the real face -- and both mean the same.
So be aware of your
thought process. Do not fight with it, do not repress it. Simply have awareness: the
thoughts are there just like clouds in the sky, and you are looking at them without any
prejudice, either for or against. If you are against, you will be fighting -- and that
very fight will create a new thought process. If you are for them, you will forget
yourself and you will float in the current of the thought process. You will not be there
as a conscious witness. If you are for, you will be in the process. If you are against,
you will create another process in reaction.
So do not be for
and do not be against. Allow the thoughts to move, let them go wherever they are going, be
in a deep let-go, and simply witness. Whatsoever is passing, witness. Do not judge; do not
say, "This is good, this is bad." If the thought of a divine being comes, do not
say, "Beautiful!" The moment you say this you are identified with it, and you
are cooperating with the thought process. You are helping it, you are giving energy to it,
you are feeding it. And if you are feeding it, it can never drop.
Or if there is a
thought, a sexual thought, do not say, "This is bad; this is sin." Because when
you say, "This is sin," you have created another series of thoughts. Sex is a
thought, sin is a thought, God is a thought. Be neither for nor against. Simply look with
unprejudiced eyes, just watching indifferently.
This will take
time. Because your mind is so occupied with notions, it is very difficult. The moment we
see something we have judged it. We do not wait; there is not even a single moment's gap.
You see a flower, and you have already said, "It is beautiful." In the very
seeing the interpretation comes in.
You will have to be
constantly aware to drop this mechanical habit of judging. You see a face and you have
already judged -- ugly, good, bad, or anything else. This judgement has become so
deep-rooted that we cannot see anything simply. The mind enters immediately. It becomes an
interpretation; it is not a simple vision. Do not interpret. Simply SEE.
Sit down in a
relaxed posture or lie down. Close your eyes and allow your thoughts to move. If you say,
"Bad!" if you condemn, then you start repressing them. Then you are not allowing
them to move independently. That is why there is so much need for dreams, because
whatsoever you are repressing during the day you will have to release in the night. That
which is repressed goes on forcing its expression, it needs expression. So whatsoever you
repress you dream. Dreams are cathartic.
Now modern sleep
research says that you can be deprived of sleep and not much harm will result, but you
cannot be deprived of your dreams. The old idea that sleep is very necessary has been
found to be false. Instead of sleep, dreams are very necessary, and sleep is necessary
only because you cannot dream without sleep.
Researchers have
developed techniques with which it can now be judged from the outside whether you are
dreaming or whether you are simply asleep. If you are simply asleep, they will disturb the
sleep -- the whole night long. When you are dreaming they will allow it, when you are not
dreaming they will disturb the sleep, and no bad result comes out of it.
But if they should
disturb you when you are dreaming and allow you to sleep when you are not dreaming, within
three days you will begin to feel dizzy, and within seven days you will feel a deep
uneasiness. Your body and mind both will feel ill. Within three weeks you will feel a
certain type of insanity. What happens? It is because dreams are cathartic. If you go on
repressing during the day and if the repressions are not allowed to be expressed, they
will accumulate in you, and that accumulation of repression is insanity.
In meditation you
are not to repress any thought. But it is difficult because your whole mind consists of
judgments, theories, `isms,' doctrines, beliefs. So one who is very deeply obsessed with
any idea, a philosophy or a religion, cannot really enter into meditation. It is difficult
because his obsession will become the barrier. So if you are a Christian or a Hindu or a
Jain, it will be difficult for you to enter meditation because your philosophy gives you
judgements. -- This is good and that is not good, this has to be repressed, this is not to
be allowed.
All philosophies
are repressive and all religions, all ideologies, are repressive, because they give you
interpretations. They do not allow you to see life as it is. They force interpretations on
it.
One who wants to go
deep into meditation has to be aware of this nonsense of ideology. Just be a simple man
without any philosophy, with no attitude toward life. Just be a seeker -- one who is in an
inquiry, in a deep inquiry to know what life is. Do not force any ideology over and above
it. Then it will be very easy to move into meditation.
Because of this,
the greatest meditator the world has ever known, Gautam Buddha, insisted that no ideology
is needed, no philosophy is needed, no concepts about life are needed. Whether God is or
is not is meaningless, irrelevant. Whether MOKSHA, liberation, exists or not is
meaningless. Whether your soul is immortal or not is meaningless.
Buddha was so much
anti-philosophy not because HE was anti-philosophy, but because anti-philosophy can become
the basic ground for a meditator to jump into the unknown. Philosophy means knowing
something about the unknown without knowing it. It is just preconceptions, hypotheses,
man-constructed ideologies.
This is to be
remembered as a very foundational fact: do not judge, let the mind flow easily. As the
river flows, let the mind flow easily; just sit on the bank watching. And this watching
should be pure -- without any interpretations. Sooner or later, when the water has flown,
when the repressed ideas have moved, you will find gaps coming. A thought will go, and
another thought will not be coming, and there will be a gap -- an interval. In that
interval, nothingness happens. In that interval you will have the first glimpse of your
real face, of the original face.
When there is no
thought there is no society. When there is no thought there is no other. When there is no
other, no society, you need not have any face. Thoughtlessness is facelessness. In that
interval, when one thought has gone and another has not appeared, in that interval, for
the first time you will know in reality what is your face -- the face you had when you
were not born and the face you will have when you die.
All the faces in
life are false. And once you know the real face, once you feel this inner nature which
Buddhists call BUDDHA SWABHAVA -- the nature of the inner buddha -- when you come to feel
this inner nature even once, even with a single glimpse, you will be a different person,
because now you will constantly know what is false and what is real. Then you will have
the criterion. Then you can compare, and there will be no need to ask what is real and
what is unreal. The question comes only because you do not know what is real, and
whatsoever you know is all unreal.
Only through
meditation will you be able to learn what is a false image and what is a real, authentic
face. Of course, the mind is automatic, and whatsoever you have done has become
mechanical. It is hard to break this mechanicalness.
The first thing to
be understood: mechanicalness is a necessity of life -- and your body has an inner
mechanism. Colin Wilson has called it the inner robot, you have a robot within you. Once
trained, once you are trained in anything, that training is passed to the robot. You can
call it memory, you can call it mind, -- anything -- but the word robot is good because it
is absolutely mechanical, automatic. It functions in its own way.
You are learning to
drive. While you are learning, you will have to be aware, alert. A danger is there. You do
not know how to drive and anything can happen, so you will have to be alert. That is why
learning is so painful, one has to be alert constantly. When you have learned driving, the
driving has been given to the robot part of your mind. Now you can go on smoking, singing,
listening to the radio or talking to a friend, or even loving your girlfriend. You can go
on doing anything and the robot part of your being will drive.
You will not be
needed; you are relieved of the burden. The robot will do everything. You will not even
have to remember where to turn; you need not. The robot will know where to turn, where to
stop, where not to stop, what to do and what not to do. You are not needed; you are
relieved of the job. The robot does everything.
If something very
sudden happens, some accident or something that the robot cannot tackle because it is not
trained in it, only then will you be needed. Suddenly there will be a jerk in your body.
The robot will be replaced and you will come in its place. You can feel that jerk. When
suddenly you feel that an accident is going to happen, there is a jerk inside. The robot
moves away; it gives place to you. Now YOU are driving. But when the accident is avoided,
again the robot will take over. You will relax and the robot will drive.
And this is
necessary for life because there are so many things to do -- so many things! And if there
is no robot to do them, you will not be capable of doing them at all. So a robot is
needed, it is a necessity.
I am not against
the robot. Go and give unto the robot whatsoever you learn, but remain the master. Do not
allow the robot to become the master. This is the problem: the robot will try to be the
master, because the robot is more efficient than you. Sooner or later the robot will say
to you, "Be completely retired. You are not needed. I can do things more
efficiently."
Remain the master.
What can be done in order for you to remain the master of the robot? Only one thing is
possible, and that is: sometimes, without any danger, take the reins into your hands. Tell
the robot to relax, come into the seat, and drive the car -- without any danger, because
in danger it is again automatic, the jerk, the replacement of the robot by you is
automatic.
You are driving:
suddenly, without any necessity, tell the robot to relax. You come into the seat and drive
the car. You are walking: suddenly remember and tell the body that "Now I will walk
consciously. The robot is not allowed. I am the master and I will move the body
consciously." You are hearing me: it is the robot part which is hearing me. Suddenly
give a jerk to it; do not allow the mind to come in. Hear me directly, consciously.
What do I mean when
I say hear consciously? When you are hearing unconsciously, you are just focused on me and
you have forgotten yourself completely. I exist, the speaker exists, but the listener is
unconscious. You are not aware of yourself as the listener. When I say take the reins in
your hands, I mean be aware of the two points: the speaker and the listener. And if you
are aware of the two points, the speaker and the listener, you have become the third --
the witness.
This witnessing
will help you to remain the master. And if you are the master, your robot cannot disturb
your life. It IS disturbing your life. Your total life has become a mess because of this
robot. It helps, it is efficient, but it goes on taking everything from you -- even those
things which should not be given to it.
You have fallen in
love: it is beautiful in the beginning because it has not been given to the robot yet. You
are learning. You are alive, aware, alert, and love has a beauty. But sooner or later the
robot will take it over. You will become a husband or a wife, and you will have given the
charge to the robot.
Then you will say
to your wife, "I love you," but YOU will not be saying it. The robot will be
saying it, the gramophone record. Then it is a recorded thing. You just play it again and
again, and your wife will understand it -- because whenever your robot says, "I love
you," it means nothing. And when your wife says, "I love you," you too will
know it is nothing, because a sentence given by a gramophone record only creates noise. It
makes no sense; there is no sense in it.
Then you will want
to do everything, yet YOU are not doing it. Then love becomes a burden and one even wants
to escape from love. All your feelings, all your relationships are now directed by the
robot. That is why sometimes you insist on not doing a certain thing, but the robot
insists that you do it because the robot is trained to do it. And you are always a failure
and the robot always succeeds.
You say, "I am
not going to be angry again," but your saying it is meaningless because the robot is
trained. And the training has been long, so just a sentence in the mind that "I am
not going to be angry again," will not have any effect. This robot has been long
trained. So next time when someone insults you, your decision not to be angry will be of
no help. The robot will take charge immediately and the robot will do whatsoever it is
trained to do. And then in the end, when the robot has done it, you will repent.
But the difficulty,
the deep difficulty is this, that even this repentance is done by the robot, because you
have always done that -- after the anger you have repented. The robot has learned that
trick also; it will repent, and again you will do the same thing.
That is why many
times you feel that you have done something, said something, behaved in a certain way, in
spite of yourself. What does this expression, `in spite of yourself,' mean? It means that
there is another self within you which can act, which can do something in spite of you.
Who is that self? The robot!
What to do? Do not
take vows that "I will not be angry again." They are self-defeating; they will
not lead you anywhere. Rather, on the contrary, whatsoever you are doing, do it
consciously. Take charge from the robot -- with any ordinary thing. When eating, eat
consciously. Do not do it mechanically, as you have done every day. When smoking, smoke
consciously. Do not allow your hand to move to the packet unconsciously, do not bring the
cigarette out unconsciously. Be conscious, alert -- and there is a difference.
I can raise my hand
mechanically, just without any awareness; I can raise my hand with full awareness flowing
in my hand. Try it! You will feel the difference. When you are aware, your hand will be
raised very slowly, very silently, and you will feel that the hand is filled with the
awareness. And when the hand is filled with the awareness, your mind will be thoughtless,
because your whole awareness will have moved to the hand. Now no energy is left to think.
When you raise your
hand automatically, mechanically, you go on thinking and your hand goes on moving. Who is
moving that hand? Your robot. Move it yourself! Do it in the day at any time, any moment,
while doing anything. Take charge from the robot. Soon you will be able to have a mastery
over the robot. But do not try it with difficult situations -- that is suicidal. We always
try with difficult situations, but because of the difficulty you never win. Start with
simple situations, where even if you are not so efficient no harm is going to result.
We always try with
difficult situations. For example, one man thinks, "I am not going to be angry."
Anger is a very difficult situation and the robot will not leave it to you. And it is
better that the robot should do it because he knows more than you. You decide about sex --
not to do something or to do something -- but you cannot follow it through. The robot will
take over. The situation is very complex, and more efficient handling is needed than you
can give it right now.
Unless you become
so perfectly aware that you can tackle any complex situation without the help of the
robot, the robot will not allow you to do it. And this is a very necessary defense
mechanism. If it were otherwise, you would make a great mess of your life -- if you were
to go on taking things away from the robot in difficult situations.
Try! Start with
simple things such as walking. Try with this; there is no harm. You can say to the robot
that "There is not going to be any harm. I am just walking, taking a walk, and I am
not going anywhere -- just walking. So there is no need of you; I can be
non-efficient."
And then be aware
and walk slowly. Be filled with awareness throughout your whole body. When one foot moves,
move with it. When one foot leaves the ground, leave the ground with it. When the other
foot touches the ground, touch the ground with it. Be perfectly aware. Do not do anything
else with the mind; just turn the whole mind into awareness.
It will be
difficult because the robot will interfere continuously. Every moment the robot will try
and will say, "What are you doing? I can do it better than you." And he CAN do
it better. So try it with non-serious things, with non-complex things, simple things.
Buddha has told his
disciples to walk, eat and sleep with awareness. If you can do these simple things, then
you will also know how to enter into difficult things with awareness. Then you can try.
But we always try
with difficult things; then we are defeated. Then the defeated feeling gives you a deep
pessimism about yourself. You start thinking that you cannot do anything. That is very
helpful for the robot. The robot will always help you to do something when you are in
difficulty because then you are defeated. Then the robot can say to you, "Leave it to
me. I can always do it better than you can do it."
Start with simple
things. Zen Buddhists, Zen monks, have been so many times reported to have been doing
this. When Bosho was asked, "What is your meditation? What is your SADHANA, spiritual
practice?" he said, "When I feel hungry I eat and when I feel sleepy I go to
sleep. This is all."
The man who was
asking said, "But this we all do. What is special about it?" Bosho repeated it
again. He said, "When I am hungry 'I' eat and when I feel sleepy 'I' sleep." And
that is the difference. When you feel hungry your robot eats, when you feel sleepy your
robot sleeps. Bosho said "I", and that is the difference.
If you become more
aware in your day-to-day work, in your ordinary life, the awareness will grow. And with
that awareness you will not be just a mechanical thing. For the first time you become a
person -- now you are not one. And a person has a face and a mechanical thing has many
masks -- no face.
If you are a person
-- alive, alert, aware -- you can have an authentic existence. If you are just a
mechanical device, you cannot have any authentic existence. Each moment will change you;
each situation will change you. You will be just a floating thing with no inner core, with
no inner being. Awareness gives you the inner presence. Without it you feel that you are,
but you are not.
Someone asked
Buddha, "I want to serve humanity. Tell me how I can serve." Buddha looked at
the man very deeply, penetratingly, with deep compassion, and then he said, "But
where are YOU? WHO will serve humanity? You are not yet. First be, and when you are, you
need not ask me. When you are, you will do something which just happens to you which is
worth doing."
Gurdjieff noted
that everyone comes with the notion that he is, that he already is. Someone came to
Gurdjieff and asked, "I am very insane inside. My mind goes on in conflicts, in
contradictions, so tell me what I can do to dissolve this mind, to have mental peace,
inner calm." Gurdjieff said, "Do not think about the mind, you cannot do
anything about it. The first thing is to be present. First YOU have to be; then you can do
something. YOU are not."
What is meant by
this "You are not?" It means that you are a robot, a mechanical thing, working
according to mechanical laws. Start being alert. Join awareness with anything you are
doing -- and start with simple things.
The second
question:
EXPLAIN THE MEANING,
PREPARATION AND PROCESS OF MANTRA DEEKSHA -- MANTRA INITIATION. AND WHAT ARE THE REASONS
WHY INDIVIDUALS MUST KEEP THE MANTRA SECRET?
First try to
understand what initiation is, what is DEEKSHA. It is a deep communion, a deep transfer of
energy from the master to the disciple. Energy always flows downwards. Every energy flows
downwards, just like water flows downwards. The master -- one who has attained, one who
has known, one who has become -- is the highest peak of energy possible, of purest
energy... the Everest of energy. This energy can flow downwards to anyone who is
receptive, humble, surrendered. This surrendered attitude -- the receptive attitude, a
deep humbleness -- will be needed to receive. Otherwise you yourself are a peak; you are
not a valley. Then the energy cannot flow downwards to you.
You are a different
sort of peak, the peak of ego -- not of energy, not of being, not of bliss, not of
consciousness. You are a density of ego, of "I-ness." You are a peak, and with
this peak no initiation is possible. Ego is the barrier because ego closes you and you
cannot surrender.
To be a disciple,
to be initiated, one has to surrender himself totally. And there is no partial surrender.
Surrender means total. You cannot say, "I partially surrender" -- it makes no
sense. Then you are still there with your ego. Ego has to be surrendered, and when you
surrender the ego you become receptive, open. You become like a valley, and then the peak
can flow downwards to you. And I am not talking symbolically, it is so actually.
Have you ever been
in love? Then you can feel that love actually flows between two bodies, it is an actual
flow. Energy is being transmitted, transferred, received, given. But love is on the same
level. You both can remain peaks of ego, and still love can be.
But with a master
you are not on the same level. And if you try to be on the same level, initiation becomes
impossible. Love is possible, but initiation becomes impossible. Initiation is possible
only when you are on a lower level -- just humble, surrendered, open to receive -- when
the disciple is feminine, just womb-like, passive, able to receive. The master is the male
factor in initiation.
This secret of
initiation is now completely lost because the more we are educated, the more civilized,
the more cultured, then the more egoistic we become. And now, to surrender has become
very, very impossible. It has always been difficult, but now it is impossible.
Initiation is a
transfer of inner energy, actual energy, and the master can enter in you and can transform
you if you are ready and receptive. But then deep trust is needed -- more trust than is
needed in love -- because you do not know what is going to happen. You are completely in
the dark.
Only the master
knows what is going to happen and what he is doing. He knows; you cannot know. And there
are things that cannot be said about what is going to happen because with the human mind
there are many problems. One problem is this: that if something is said before it happens,
it will change the happening. It cannot be said.
So there are many
things which the master cannot say to you. He can do them to you, but he cannot say them
to you. That doing is initiation. He actually moves in you -- in your body, in your mind.
He cleanses you, changes you. The only thing required is your total trust, because without
it there is no opening and he cannot enter you: your doors are closed.
You are always
defending yourself. Life is a struggle -- a struggle for survival, to survive. This
struggle gives you a closing. You are closed, afraid; you are afraid to be vulnerable.
Someone may enter, someone may do something within you. So you shrink yourself, you remain
closed -- just hiding behind, constantly defending.
In initiation you
have to lose this defense; this armor of defense has to be thrown away. You become
vulnerable, and then the master can enter you.
For example, it is
just like a deep love act. You can rape a woman, but you cannot rape a disciple. You can
rape a woman because it is a bodily rape, and the body can be raped and entered without
any consent. Without the will of the woman you can rape. It is a forced thing. The body is
material; things can be forced on it.
Something just like
this happens in initiation. The master enters your spirit, not your body. Unless you are
ready and receiving, the entrance is not possible. A disciple cannot be raped because it
is not a bodily question. It is a question of spirit, and you cannot force entry into a
spirit. No violence is possible with it.
So when the
disciple is ready and open, just like a loving woman, inviting and receptive, ready, in a
deep let-go, only then can the master enter and work. And centuries of work can be done in
moments. You may not be able to do in many lives certain things which can be done in a
moment. But then you have to be vulnerable, totally trusting. You do not know what is
going to happen and what he will do inside you.
A woman is afraid
because the sexual act is a journey into the unknown for her. Unless she loves the man,
unless she is ready to suffer, to carry the burden of a child, to carry the child for nine
months and then make a life commitment to it, unless she is deeply in love, she will not
allow the man to enter her body -- because it is not simply her body, it is her whole
life. When she is in deep love, then she is ready to suffer, to sacrifice. And to
sacrifice and suffer in deep love is blissful.
But the problem
with the disciple is deeper. It is not a question only of a physical birth, of a new
child, it is HIS rebirth. He himself is going to be reborn. He will die in a certain sense
and he will be born in a certain different sense. And this is possible if the master
enters him, but the master cannot force it. No force is possible, the disciple can only
invite it.
And that is the
problem -- a very great problem in spiritual discipleship, because the disciple goes on
defending himself or herself, goes on creating more and more armor around him. He behaves
with his master in the same way he would behave with anyone in the world; the same defense
mechanisms go on working. And then time is wasted unnecessarily, energy is wasted, and the
moment is delayed which can happen right now. But this is natural, and sometimes even with
great masters disciples have missed the chance.
Ananda, one of the
great disciples of Buddha and the nearest, couldn't attain liberation while Buddha was
alive. Buddha was with Ananda for forty years, and Ananda couldn't attain. But many who
came after Ananda attained, and then it became a problem. And Ananda was one of the
nearest -- the closest. He was sleeping in the same room with Buddha, he was moving with
Buddha for forty years continuously. He was like a shadow to Buddha; as much as he knew
about Buddha even Buddha might not have known.
But he couldn't
attain; he remained the same. And a very ordinary thing was the only barrier: he was an
elder cousin-brother of Buddha. This created the ego.
Buddha died... a
great council met to write down whatsoever Buddha had said. It had to be written then.
Soon those who lived with Buddha would be no more, so everything had to be recorded. But
the council would not allow Ananda, and only he knew the greater experiences, the
statements of Buddha, his life, his biography. This was all known to Ananda; no one knew
so much.
But the council
decided that Ananda could not be allowed because he was still unenlightened. He could not
record Buddha's sayings because an ignorant man cannot be believed. He would not deceive,
but with an ignorant man nothing is reliable. He may think that something happened, and he
may relate it authentically as far as he knows, but he is a man who is not yet awakened.
Whatsoever he has seen and heard in sleep could not be believed, so only those would
record who had become awakened -- they decided.
Ananda was weeping
just outside the door. The door was closed, and he remained just by the door for
twenty-four hours, weeping, crying and screaming. But they would not allow him. For these
twenty-four hours he was weeping, weeping, and then suddenly he became aware what had been
the barrier -- why he hadn't been able to attain while Buddha was alive, what had been the
barrier.
Then he went back
into his memories. A forty-year-long life with Buddha! He remembered the first day when he
came to him for initiation. But he had one condition, and that was why he missed the whole
initiation. He could not be initiated because be made a condition.
He came to Buddha
and he said, "I have come to be a disciple of yours. Once I become your disciple, you
will be the master and I will have to follow whatsoever you say, I will have to obey. But
right now I am your elder brother, and I can order you and you will have to obey. You are
not the master, I am not the disciple. Once I am initiated, you will be the master and I
will be the disciple. Then I will not be able to say anything, so before I become a
disciple these are my three conditions. Say yes to these three conditions; then initiate
me."
The conditions were
not very big, but a condition is a condition and then your surrender is not total. They
were very small conditions, very loving conditions. He said, "One, I will always be
with you. You cannot tell me to move anywhere else. While I am alive I will be your
shadow; you cannot order me away. Give me the promise -- because later on I will be just a
disciple, and if you order me away I will have to follow. This will be a promise given to
an elder brother -- that I will be with you. You cannot tell me to move anywhere else. I
will just be your shadow; I will sleep in the room where you sleep.
"Secondly,
whenever I will say, `Meet this man,' you will have to meet him. Whatsoever your reason
for not meeting, you will have to agree. If I want that someone should be given your
DARSHAN -- spiritual presence -- you will have to give it.
"And thirdly,
if I say that someone has to be initiated, you cannot refuse. Grant me these three
conditions. Promise me and then initiate me. I will not ask anything again because then I
shall be just a disciple."
When he remembered
this, while he was weeping, crying before the door of the council, after he went back into
his memories, he suddenly became aware that the initiation was not there because he had
not been receptive. Buddha had agreed. He said, "Okay!" and he followed the
three conditions his whole life. But Ananda missed, the nearest one missed.
And the moment he
realized this he became enlightened. That which couldn't happen with Buddha happened when
he was no more: he surrendered.
If there is
surrender, even an absent master can help you. If there is no surrender, even an alive
master who is present cannot help you. So in initiation, in any initiation, surrender is
needed.
Mantra initiation
means that when you have surrendered, the master will enter you -- your body, your mind,
your spirit. He will move in you to find a sound for you, so that whenever you chant that
sound you will be a different man in a different dimension.
A mantra cannot be
given unless you have surrendered totally, because mantra giving means the master has
entered you and felt the deep harmony, the inner music of your being. And then he gives a
symbolic sound which is in harmony with your inner music. The moment you chant that sound
you enter the world of your inner music, the inner harmony is entered.
That sound is just
a key, and a key cannot be given unless the lock is known. So I cannot give you a key
unless I know your lock, because a key is meaningful only when it can unlock. Any key will
not do, and everyone is a particular lock -- you need a particular key. That is why
mantras are to be kept secret.
If you give your
mantra to someone he may experiment with it, but that key will not suit that lock. And
sometimes, when you force a wrong key into a lock you can destroy the lock, you can
disturb the lock. You can so much disturb it that even when a right key is found it may
not work. That is why mantras are to be kept absolutely secret. They are not told to
anyone; that is a promise you make. The master gives you a key, it is a key only for you.
You cannot go on distributing it -- for many that would be harmful.
You will be allowed
to give keys only when your lock is totally opened. But then you will not give THIS key to
anyone. Then you will have become capable of entering into the other. Then you will be
able to feel the lock and devise a key for it.
The key is always
devised by the master. If there is a heap of keys, one who doesn't know may think all keys
are the same. There may be only very small differences, minute differences, and even the
same word can be used differently. For example, Aum. This has three sounds --
"A-U-M." If emphasis is given on the "U", the mid-sound, it is one
key. If emphasis is given on the "A", it is a different key. If the emphasis is
given on the "M", it is still a different key; it will open different locks.
That is why there is so much emphasis on the exact use of the mantra as it is given by the
master.
So the master gives
the mantra in your ear; he chants it exactly as it should be used. He chants it in your
ear, and you have to become so alert that your whole consciousness comes to the ear. He
chants it, and then it enters into you. You have to remember it now -- the exact use of
it.
That is why
individuals must keep their mantras secret; they should not be made public. They are
dangerous, and if you are initiated you know it. If a master has really given you a key,
you know it. You treasure it like anything; you cannot go on distributing it. It can be
harmful for others and it can be harmful for you also -- for many reasons.
Firstly, you are
breaking a promise, and the moment the promise is broken your contact with the master is
broken. You will not be in contact with him again. If the promise is kept, there is a
constant contact.
Secondly, if you
give the mantra to anyone and talk about it, it comes to the surface of the mind. The
deeper roots are broken, it becomes a gossip.
Thirdly, if you can
keep anything secret, the more you keep it secret, the deeper it goes. It is bound to go
deeper.
It is said of Marpa
that when he was given the secret mantra by his master, the promise was there that the
mantra would be kept absolutely secret. "You are not to talk about it," he was
told.
Then Marpa's master
appeared in his dream and he said, "What is your mantra?" Even in the dream
Marpa kept his promise, he refused to tell it. And it is said that because of the fear
that someday in a dream the master may come or send someone, and he may be so asleep that
he would break the secret and the promise would be broken, he stopped sleeping altogether.
He would not sleep!
He had not been
sleeping for seven or eight days, and his master asked Marpa, "Why are you not
sleeping? I see you do not go to sleep at all, so what is the matter?" Marpa said,
"You are playing tricks with me. You came in a dream and you were asking for the
mantra. I cannot tell even you. Once the promise is there, it will not come out of my
mouth even in a dream. But then I became fearful. In sleep, who knows! Someday I may
forget."
If you are so aware
of keeping the promise that even in a dream you remember it, then it is going deep. It is
going deep, it is entering inner realms. And the deeper it moves, the more it will be a
key to you -- because the lock is at the deepest layer. Try with anything. If you can keep
it a secret, it will move deep. If you cannot keep it a secret, it will move out.
Why do you want to
say something to someone? Why do you chatter? Really, anything that you chatter about you
are relieved of. Once you tell it you are relieved of it; it has moved out.
The whole
psychoanalysis is nothing but this. The psychoanalyst is just listening and the patient
goes on talking. It helps the patient -- because the more he talks about his problems,
inner conflicts and associated ideas, the more he is relieved of them. The reverse happens
when you can keep a secret. At no moment are you allowed to talk about it. It will enter
deep, deep, and one day it will hit the exact lock.
One question more:
IN REFERENCE TO THE MEDITATION
TECHNIQUES BASED ON SOUNDS, PLEASE EXPLAIN THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE CHAOTIC MUSIC PLAYED
IN YOUR DYNAMIC MEDITATION AND THE SHAKE OR ROCK MUSIC OF THE WEST.
Your mind is in
chaos. That chaos has to be brought out, acted out. Chaotic music can be helpful, so if
you are meditating and chaotic music is played or chaotic dancing is there around you, it
will help to bring out your chaos. You will flow in it, you will become unafraid of
expression. And this chaotic music will hit your chaotic mind within and will bring it
out. It helps.
Rock, jazz, or
other music which is chaotic in a way also help something to come out, and that something
is repressed sexuality. I am concerned with all your repressions. Modern music is more
concerned just with your repressed sex, but there is a similarity. However, I am not
concerned only with your repressed sex, I am concerned with all your repressions -- sexual
or not sexual.
Rock music, or
other music like that, is so influential in the West because of Christianity. Christianity
has been repressing sex for twenty centuries. They have forced sex to go so deep down
inside that every man has become a pervert deep down. So the West has to relieve itself of
the sin that Christianity has done with man, with his mind, through music, through dance,
through chaotic painting, chaotic poetry -- in every dimension.
In the West mind
has to be completely freed somehow from the whole centuries-long past of repression. In
every way they are doing it. All that is influential today is chaotic. But sex is not the
only thing, there are many other things also. Sex is the basic thing, it is very
important, but there are other things also. Your anger is repressed, your sadness is
repressed, even your happiness is repressed.
Man as he is is a
repressed being. He is not allowed to do anything, he has just to follow rules. He is not
a free agent but just a kept slave, and the whole society is a big prison. The walls are
very subtle: they are glass walls, transparent. You cannot see them, but they are, and
everywhere. Your morality, your culture, your religion, they are all walls. They are
transparent, you cannot see them, but whenever you want to cross them you are thrown back.
This state of mind
is neurotic. The whole society is ill. That is why I so much insist on chaotic meditation.
Relieve yourself, act out whatsoever society has forced on you, whatsoever situations have
forced on you. Act them out, relieve yourself of them, go through a catharsis. The music
helps.
Once you can throw
out everything that has been repressed in you, you will become natural again, you will be
a child again. And with that child many possibilities open. With you everything is closed.
When you become again a child, then only can your energies be transformed. Then you are
pure, innocent, and with that innocence and purity transformation is possible.
Perverted energies
cannot be transformed. Natural, spontaneous energy is needed. That is why I insist so much
on acting out things: so that you can throw the society out. The society has entered you
very deeply. It has not left YOU anywhere; it has entered from everywhere. You are a
citadel, and the society has entered from everywhere. Its police, its priests, they have
done much to make you a slave. You are not free, and man can attain to bliss only when he
becomes a total freedom.
For you to be made
a total freedom the whole society has to be thrown out of you, but that doesn't mean that
you are going to become anti-social. Once you throw the society out, once you become aware
of your pure freedom inside, you can live with the society; there is no need to be anti.
But then the society cannot enter into you. You can move in it, you can act in it, but
then the whole thing becomes just a psychodrama -- you are acting. Now the society cannot
kill you, cannot make a slave of you; you are acting knowingly.
Those who become
anti-social simply show that they are still bound to the same society. All the anti-social
movements in the West are reactionary, not revolutionary. You are reacting to the same
society, you are related to the same society in a reverse manner. You are standing on your
head, that is all. You are doing SHIRSHASANA --
the headstand posture -- but you are the same person. Whatsoever the society is insisting
upon, you are doing quite the contrary -- but you are still following the society. This
will not help.
If you are anti you
will never be beyond the society, you will always be part of it. If the society dies, you
will die. Think of what in the West they now call the establishment -- the society that is
established -- and the alternate societies of hippies, yippies, or others. They exist as a
part of this establishment. If the establishment is dissolved, they will be nowhere. They
cannot exist by themselves; they are just a reaction.
You cannot create a
society of hippies by itself. Hippies can exist only as an alternate society WITH an
establishment -- just as a reaction. They cannot exist independently. So howsoever much
they may think they are independent, they are not independent. The establishment is their
source, their life. Once the establishment is not there, they will be at a loss where to
move and what to do. Whatsoever they are doing is dictated by the establishment. They go
against it, but the directions, the instructions are given by the establishment.
If the
establishment says short hair, you can be long-haired. But if there is no establishment,
then what to do? If the establishment says cleanliness, you can be dirty. But if there is
no establishment and no fuss about cleanliness, you are nowhere. If the establishment says
this, you can do that -- quite the reverse -- but you follow the establishment.
So anti-socials are
not revolutionaries. They are reactionaries, a part and a product of the same society --
those who have moved against it in bitterness.
A meditator, a
sannyasin, is not anti-society, he is beyond society. He is not against the establishment,
neither is he for it -- but he takes it non-seriously. He knows it is just a play; he
moves in it like an actor. And if you can move in the society like an actor on the stage,
it never touches you; you remain beyond it. So do not be for it, do not be against it.
But how can you do
it? You can do it only when you have thrown the society out of you. If it is there, then
there are two paths open to you: follow it or go against it. But you are bound to it; you
are in bondage. First one has to clean oneself of society, then for the first time you
become an individual. Right now you are not, you are just a social unit.
When the society is
thrown out, when its entire presence is thrown out, you are again back to your childhood:
you have become innocent. And this innocence is deeper than that which any child can have,
because you know the fall as well and now you have risen. It is a resurrection. You have
experienced, you have known the whole nonsense. Now you are again pure. This purity
becomes the temple for the divine.
Once you can throw
the society out of you, without any bitterness, without going against it or being involved
in any reaction... if you can simply throw society out of you, the divine can enter into
you.
With society in,
the divine will remain out; with society out, the divine can enter -- because the divine
means existence. Society is a human, local phenomenon. Existence is greater, infinite. It
is not concerned with man, morals, traditions, it is concerned with the very roots of
being.
One has to be beyond society, not against it, remember. And
this chaotic method helps you. It is a catharsis. |